Living With Chronic Pain: How Counselling Helps When You've Tried Everything Else

If you live with chronic pain, you've probably heard some version of "it's all in your head" more than once. I want to be clear from the start: I don't believe that, and that's not what counselling for chronic pain is about.

Your pain is real. What counselling can do is help with everything that pain drags along with it — the exhaustion, the isolation, the grief for the life you used to have, and the way it slowly rewires how you see yourself.

The part of chronic pain nobody talks about

In my years as a paramedic, I met a lot of people in pain. What struck me wasn't just the physical suffering — it was how alone they felt. Friends stop asking how you are because the answer never changes. Family members get frustrated. Doctors run out of options. And you start to feel like a burden, or like you're somehow failing at getting better.

Chronic pain also changes your relationship with your own body. The body that used to carry you through life now feels like the enemy. Every twinge becomes a threat. That constant vigilance is exhausting — and, as it turns out, it can actually make pain worse.

How pain and the nervous system feed each other

Pain isn't just a signal from an injured body part. It's processed by the brain and nervous system, and when that system has been on high alert for a long time, it becomes more sensitive. Stress, fear, poor sleep, and low mood all turn up the volume. This isn't imagination — it's how the nervous system works.

That's also where the hope is. If stress and fear amplify pain, then learning to settle the nervous system can turn the volume down. It won't cure the underlying condition, but many people find their pain becomes more manageable and takes up less of their life.

What we work on in counselling

Every person's experience is different, but chronic pain counselling often includes:

• Grieving what's changed. You're allowed to mourn the hikes, the work, the energy, the version of yourself that pain took. Grief that isn't acknowledged tends to turn into depression.
• Calming the nervous system. Using somatic and body-based tools to reduce the constant sense of threat.
• Practical coping strategies. Drawing on cognitive behavioural approaches to shift the thought patterns that make hard days harder — without pretending the pain isn't there.
• Rebuilding connection. Finding ways to stay in relationship with the people you love, and to ask for what you need without shame.
• Redefining what a good life looks like. Not the life you had — but a life that's still yours, still meaningful.

You don't have to do this alone

In addition to individual sessions, I run a Chronic Pain Group for anyone living with a condition, injury, or illness that has changed how they live. There is something powerful about sitting in a room with people who simply understand — no explaining, no justifying. If you're interested in the next group, reach out and I'll add you to the interest list.

Ready to talk?

I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation. Sessions are available in person in Salmon Arm, online, or by phone — which matters when getting out the door is hard. I direct bill to many extended health plans.

Request a consultation or call 778-824-1168.

If you are in crisis right now, please call 911, the BC Crisis Line at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433), or 310-6789 for mental health support.