How to Talk to Someone You're Worried About: A Guide for World Suicide Prevention Day

September 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day. It's a day I take seriously, both because of the people I've met in my years as a paramedic and because of the work I do now: I have specialized training in supporting people through suicidal thoughts, and it is some of the most important work I do.

But most conversations about suicide don't start in a counsellor's office. They start at a kitchen table, in a truck, on a text thread — with someone who noticed something was off and wasn't sure what to say. This post is for that person. For you.

First: you don't have to have the right words

People often hold back because they're afraid of saying the wrong thing, or of making it worse by bringing it up. Please hear this clearly: asking someone directly whether they're thinking about suicide does not plant the idea. The research is consistent on this. What it does is open a door that many people are desperately hoping someone will open.

You don't need to be a professional. You need to be present.

Signs that someone may be struggling

There's no single checklist, and people are often very good at hiding pain. But it's worth paying attention when someone you care about:

• Talks about feeling hopeless, trapped, or like a burden to others
• Withdraws from people and activities they used to care about
• Seems unusually calm or relieved after a long period of distress
• Gives away things that matter to them, or starts tying up loose ends
• Increases their use of alcohol or substances
• Has recently gone through a major loss, breakup, job change, diagnosis, or shame-filled event

Trust your gut. If something feels different about them, it's worth a conversation.

How to start the conversation

Choose a private, unhurried moment. Side by side often works better than face to face — a drive, a walk, sitting on the porch.

Say what you've noticed. "You haven't seemed like yourself lately, and I've been thinking about you." Specific and warm.

Ask directly. "Are you having thoughts of suicide?" or "Are you thinking about ending your life?" Clear language. It may feel blunt, but it tells the person you can handle the truth.

Then listen. Don't rush to reassure, problem-solve, or tell them all the reasons they have to live. Just stay. "Tell me more." "That sounds really heavy." "I'm glad you told me."

Don't promise secrecy. You can promise to stay with them and help them find support. You can't promise to keep it to yourself if their safety is at risk — and you shouldn't.

Connecting them to help

You are not meant to carry this alone, and neither are they. Once the conversation is open, help them take the next step:

• If they are in immediate danger, call 911 or go with them to the nearest emergency department.
• The BC Crisis Line is available 24/7 at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433). You can call it together, or call yourself for guidance on how to help.
• For mental health support, call 310-6789 (no area code needed).
• Canada's national Suicide Crisis Helpline is 9-8-8, by call or text.
• Encourage them to connect with their doctor or a counsellor — and offer to help make the call or drive them to the appointment.

Look after yourself, too

Supporting someone through this is heavy. You may feel scared, angry, helpless, or all three. Those feelings are valid, and they're a sign you should have your own support — whether that's a friend, a crisis line, or a counsellor.

How I can help

I have specialized training in working with people experiencing suicidal thoughts, and I approach this work with the same steadiness and respect I brought to my years in emergency services. If you or someone you love is struggling, I would be honoured to help. I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation, and sessions are available in person in Salmon Arm, online, or by phone.

Request a consultation or call 778-824-1168.

If you or someone you know is in crisis right now, please call 911, 9-8-8, or the BC Crisis Line at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433). You are not alone.